May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
