I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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