An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
