Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
