No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
