My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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