I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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