you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
