the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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