Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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