that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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