So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize