Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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