12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
