i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
