i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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