If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize