There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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