you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
