So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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