i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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