ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
