Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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