I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
