I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
