some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
