So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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