I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
