Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
