Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
