you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
