Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
