Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I smell stomach acid.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
