Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is wine microwaveable?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
