Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
