if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
