I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
