FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
