Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
