I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
