He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
