Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
