I think I won the penis lottery.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
this is an emotional support booty call
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