he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
