all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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