are you still at the devil's house?
Your dad touched me again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
