like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
