isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
