Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
