You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
