The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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