Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
