I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
