You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
