My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
