Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
