oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
