He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I party with great urgency now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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