im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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