so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize