No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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