3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize