normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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