Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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