So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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