Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
