She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
