So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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