you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
