OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
