Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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