Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
