dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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