That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
