Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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